Dealing with an abusive alcoholic unfortunately is something that many friends and family members of someone with a drinking problem must deal with. An abusive alcoholic does not always have to be abusive to be considered an abusive alcoholic.
Some may only be abusive when they are drunk, others may only be abusive when going through alcohol withdrawal. Often times it is unpredictable when someone with an alcohol abuse problem will or will not be abusive.
It is not confirmed if alcoholism is the reason for the abusive behavior, or if it merely agitates what would already be an abusive relationship. Some may believe that it is only abusive men that are a threat. However, women are just as possible to be abusive alcoholics.
Either way, for the friends and family members of an abusive alcoholic, dealing with an abusive alcoholic is something they’ve needed to learn how to do.
Some people may deal with alcoholic violence and abusive alcoholics by avoidance. They will not be around the alcoholic when drinking. Others may instead take a preventive defensive stance – “walking on eggshells” so to speak to do everything in their power not to upset the abusive alcoholic.
Unfortunately, neither of these methods of dealing with a violent alcoholic are going to help you or the person with the drinking and abuse problem.
If you are in the situation where you are living with or dealing with an abusive alcoholic you need to get out. Your own person safety is the most important. Yes, you may love the alcoholic.
Yes, you may find it to be a terrifying thought. However, when you are being abused, your own well being should be the most important. You cannot stop the other person from drinking or control his or her behavior. You can only help yourself, and that is what you MUST do.
There are thousands of domestic abuse centers across the country, many which will help you be safe. Yes, you may care about the abusive alcoholic person, and that person may need your help – but if at all possible you need to remove yourself from the situation so you do not get hurt – physically or mentally.
If children are involved or it is one of their parents that is being abusive, it is even more important to make sure the children to not get hurt by the abusive alcoholic. Your state’s department of welfare should be able to guide you on what to do if you suspect child abuse due to alcoholism. In many cases, it does not always mean the child will be sent to foster care. There are many anonymous hot lines to call, or you can always dial 911 or speak to the police.
It is a tragedy when others are hurt by an abusive alcoholic. Do not be afraid of what will happen if you leave – be afraid of what will happen if you stay.
Only after the abusive alcoholic has completed successful treatment and counseling and has remained sober for 6 months or more should you consider allowing the abusive alcoholic back into your life. Some people do deserve second chances. But it should be very clear that at the single sign of abuse again you will not tolerate it and you will be out of their lives permanently. Dealing with an abusive alcoholic is not a life sentence that you must carry as a burden forever. Often times, you leaving the relationship or situation may be the only solution to the problem of dealing with an abusive alcoholic.